€200bn-A-Year Games Industry Loses Toddler To ‘Choo Choo Train’

THE MOST LUCRATIVE entertainment market in the world, worth in excess of an estimated €200bn a year, is losing out to a choo choo train in vying for the attention of local Waterford toddler Jamie Storey, WWN understands.

“Loud sounds, bright lights that’d give fireworks epilepsy and nothing, the fucker just wants to play with his choo choo,” confirmed head of research at the International Gaming Alliance, Robert Yang, whose remit includes trying to find ways to make children more addicted and reliant on computer games.

In a series of research scenarios, 2 years and 7 month old Storey, has been presented with state of the art ‘compulsion loop’ computer games, designed to trick the brain into repeating addictive patterns. However, given every opportunity Storey has chosen his favourite battered wooden train set with its promise of allowing him to shout ‘choo choo’ are he runs around the room.

“We’re fucked, no matter the advances in hijacking kids’ brains, that Thomas the Tank Engine bullshit wins,” added Yang.

Storey, observed for months on end, simply desired to bash his train and other toy vehicles off walls, floors, tables and the adult-sized bare toes of his parents, creating an existential crisis for the gaming industry.

“The fear is that people other than Jamie’s parents discover these choo choos, and we along with tablet producers lose market dominance. It could get to the point where these toys warp toddlers’ minds to the point that when they’re older they’re still addicted,” cautioned a concerned Yang.

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