“It’ll Bring More Visitors To The City” Dublin City Council Defends Updated Molly Malone Statue

DUBLIN City Council (DCC) has defended its most recent renovations to the infamous Molly Malone statue, claiming that the addition of visible nipples will attract even more visitors to the capital.

The ample pair of perky bronze breasts have come under fire from the public and campaigners, but the DCC insists the move is educational.

“Dublin once had Europe’s largest red-light district. This is educational, and as they say, those who don’t learn from history masturbate from it… apologies, I mean repeat it,” one council official told WWN.

Since the unveiling, several school trips have been cancelled due to young boys reportedly feeling ‘a bit uncomfortable’ when introduced to the new-look Molly, who now has her very own janitor tasked with mopping up the scene every couple of hours.

In the interest of balance, DCC confirmed this is just the first in a series of planned statue renovations, with work already underway to unsheathe the Daniel O’Connell monument.

“Wait till you see what we’ve planned for Phil Lynott,” another council worker added, making a measuring gesture that left interpretations wide open.

“The South Koreans have an entire penis park. Why can’t we have a single pair of bronze breasts, you fecking prudes?” reasoned one local fan of the changes to Malone.

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