US President Calls For Further Division Following Kirk Assassination

IN AN ADDRESS mourning the death of conservative influencer Charlie Kirk who was assassinated at a college campus debate yesterday, US President Donald J. Trump spoke to the American nation from the Oval Office calling for further division.

Holding a can of gasoline and pouring it over a fire, Trump rationally put aside political ideology by omitting the recent assassinations of Democratic lawmakers from a list of incidents of political violence, spreading the unifying message of blaming ‘the radical left’ for Kirk’s murder at a time the assassin remains large and their motives unknown.

“For years those on the radical left have compared wonderful Americans like Charlie to Nazis,” Trump said, hoping his carefully thought out words will quell a rush to any more violence and bloodshed as tensions flare online and across the already fractured political mediasphere.

Promising his administration would “find each and every one of those who contributed to this atrocity” Trump left the statement deliberately vague, effectively outsourcing any follow-through to his famously measured and rational supporters.

“Silencing anyone who opposes our political ideologies is exactly what the famously pro-debate Charlie would have wanted,” one frothing American told WWN. “I want free speech, but only for those who agree with us,” they added, unaware they were likely echoing the murderer’s worldview.

Meanwhile, in a solemn mark of respect to the father of two children and wife Erika, Alex Jones vowed to repeatedly rerun close-up, uncensored footage of Mr. Kirk’s gruesome assassination on Elon Musk’s X platform, insisting it would “help ease tensions.”