Prince Andrew Invites Peter Mandelson To Commiseration Lunch At Pizza Express

“THEY GOT you with the old ‘best friends with notorious pedi and human trafficker’ trick too, huh old boy?”

The words of Prince Andrew as he commiserated with recently fired UK ambassador to the US Peter Mandelson, as the prince pulled out a chair in a branch of Pizza Express in Woking and insisting Mandelson sat down with him.

“You think writing letters are bad my dear boy? Chuffing well had me in a photo with one of the victims,” added Andrew, trying to lift the spirits of the sullen Labour stalwart.

“You’d swear I wore a Palestine t-shirt at a protest in the UK the way I’m being treated,” sobbed Mandelson.

Andrew thought better of asking if Mandelson had tried to explain it all away by saying he was incapable of sweating, focusing on a glass half full mindset instead.

“If you were involved in any of that nastiness, just have your Mummy pay compensation to victims, it’ll all be fine,” said Andrew, as he horsed into a slice of ham and pineapple pizza.

Meanwhile, Mandelson’s sacking by UK PM Keir Starmer for being friends with Jeffrey Epstein is just the latest embarrassment for the Labour government, one which threatens to push more voters towards the Reform party, headed up by Nigel Farage; a proudly close friend of another close friend of Jeffrey Epstein, Donald Trump.

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