First Real Sign Of Autumn As Wild Burke Migrates Back To School Gates

“IT’LL be dark at 5pm before you know it” one parent dropping their child off at school cheerily said to themselves as the telltale sign that an Irish summer is over, Enoch Burke hovering at school gates, has arrived once again.

Big coats will be fetched out of storage, leaves will change colour and cosy hot chocolates will be back on the menu as Autumn’s canopy is draped over Ireland.

“Fuck sake,” confirmed much of the nation as the emergence of a wild Burke haring back to its unnatural habitat of outside a premises they haven’t worked at since 2022, signaled the summer is well and truly over.

“Fuck sake,” added inmates in Mountjoy Prison, drawing straws once more over who has to share a cell with the Castlebar native.

Nature lovers also noted the first instance of the birdsong of the migrating lapwing, which later turned out to be the demented shrieking of the Burke matriarch, Martina.

A touchstone moment in the Irish calendar, some weather experts have suggested we are in for a rough few months ahead.

“A Burke school gate sighting before September is unseasonably early and is a sure sign that we’re in for a desperately cold and wet winter, and maybe several more incidents of eejits embarrassing themselves again,” confirmed Met Éireann.

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