“I’m Buzzing”: Office Man United Fan On Cloud Nine After 1-0 Defeat To Arsenal

“I’M WORRIED ABOUT Dave”

Concerned office workers have encircled the desk of deliriously optimistic and hopeful Dublin man and Manchester United fan, Dave Tierney, who have retained a disturbingly wide and bright smile since clocking into at 8.45am this morning.

“Dave, you’ve been pleasant, cheery, I saw you skip over to the printer while whistling, this isn’t like you at all, is everything all right?” asked one co-worker, who has no interest football so was completely unaware what a 1-0 defeat to Arsenal can do to lift the gloom and spread happiness.

“We had a superior XG,” shared Tierney, chuckling before leaping up onto his desk and shouting ‘United, United, United!’

Such ecstatic declarations have only added to colleagues concerns, who fear Tierney could overstimulate himself, such is the adrenaline rush that comes with witnessing his team finally put together a solid 6-out-of-10 at best performance and sitting on zero points.

“There was a bit in the game where they were passing to each other and doing little runs and stuff, it was like the joy I felt when my son was born but maybe 1,000 times more emotional,” insisted Tierney, who is now prone to delusional declarations.

“I think if we keep this up we could finish 10th,” cheered Tierney, as attending ambulance crew placed in a straitjacket for his own safety.

Elsewhere, a record number of Fantasy Football players had a complete meltdown on opening weekend.

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