Trump Confirms He Will Attack Iran After Followers Reach 100,000 Purchases Of Trump Bible

THE WHITE HOUSE has clarified its comments from yesterday in which it said US president Donald Trump will make a decision on bombing Iran in ‘the next two weeks’, providing an updated timeline and instructions for Americans.

“If you want to bomb Iran as much as I do, then show your patriotism by purchasing one of my Trump bibles,” Trump said in a promotional shopping ad spot filmed in the Oval Office.

The White House said those eager for the president to take decisive action could hasten his decision if they buy 100,000 copies of his ‘Trump Bible’ in the coming hours.

“For just $59.99 you can fulfill the message of Christ, which I think was something about killing brown people, right? Many people are saying it,” continued Trump, who has given wealthier donors the chance to sign any war heads that blast off bound for Iran.

While many retail experts suggest the US president will fail to meet his sales target, a number of Republican politicians who believe Israel are the chosen people and must be defended no matter their actions has begun purchasing the bibles en masse.

“Foreign policy is, as always, best conducted by the voice in your head which is getting messages from the man in the sky with the white beard,” confirmed Ted Cruz, who thinks Iranians to be primitive savages cut off from reality, incapable of sensible thoughts.

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