Inconsiderate Public Urged To Please Think Of The Data Centres Before Watering Lawns

IF YOU’RE planning to water your lawn or plants during the current hot spell, the government is urging citizens to be a little bit more considerate and spare a thought for the country’s 82 data centres.

The plea comes as a prolonged heatwave grips the nation, prompting many selfish gardeners to squander vital water that could otherwise be used to cool precious data servers.

“Just one data centre can consume up to 4.5 million litres of water per day at peak demand,” a spokesperson for Uisce Éireann warned. “With the rise of AI systems, that figure is only going to increase. So please, before you water your pointless plants or trees, consider the bigger picture here.”

“People need to get their priorities straight,” the statement continued. “Do you want a slightly greener lawn, or would you rather have an AI-generated image of Conor McGregor holding an AR-15, flanked by tri-colour-waving delinquents promoting him as the next Irish president? It’s that simple.”

In addition to their water use, Irish data centres now consume over a fifth of the country’s electricity supply. And without these colossal warehouses powering social media platforms like X, Facebook, TikTok, and Instagram, many experts are left asking how would people weigh in on the pressing topics of the day?

“Can you imagine your elderly aunt sitting at home without access to fear-mongering headlines, carefully tailored for her by anxiety-inducing algorithms? She might even work up the courage to leave the house and engage with society – we can’t have that. And what about teenagers who spend every waking hour playing online games? What are they supposed to do – interact with each other in real life? That’s not the kind of future we’re building for Ireland.”

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