Newly Released JFK Files Implicate Whoever Is Setting Teslas On Fire

SUCH is the vast quantity of newly released formerly classified documents relating to the assassination of US president John F. Kennedy that many are still sifting through the documents, looking for shocking revelations.

However, WWN can reveal that just released documents by the Pentagon, on the orders of President Donald Trump, dating from 1960s indicate that whoever is setting Elon Musk’s Teslas on fire are the shooter, not Lee Harvey Oswald.

“Concerning,” responded Elon Musk, not to the news that the world’s richest man’s Starlink firm now has control over the internet at the White House and access to data shared across his network, but to the news that Tesla arsonists were at the heart of the plot to kill JFK.

“Some times things line up so implausibly that you have no choice but to believe them,” added one White House official, who admitted Trump was looking into charging anyone sighing in the general direction of a Tesla with a new crime known as ‘mega super extra terrorism’.

The new charge will work in much the same way people being deported from the US to El Salvador into enforced labour, in that no evidence as to their guilt needs to provided and all court rulings declaring it illegal are to be ignored.

“I knew it! That judge who suspended Trump’s deportation flights was on the grassy knoll that fateful day,” added a Trump official as they dried the fresh ink on a declassified JFK file purportedly dating from 1963.

“Look, another JFK file said Oswald was recruited not by Soviet era Russians, but by Hunter Biden’s Ukrainian contacts, and yes we did just say it was Tesla arsonists really responsible but it all makes sense”.

Check out our shop. We’ve tonnes of designs to choose from with new ones added all the time. Each purchase helps us keep the lights on. Check it out here www.waterfordwhispers.shop