Suspicions Raised As Local Boyfriend Denies All Knowledge Of Sydney Sweeney

WHILE local woman Ciara Fagan would have laughed off boyfriend of two years Simon Skelly waxing lyrical about Hollywood star Sydney Sweeney’s ample chest, things took a turn for the paranoid after Skelly chose to deny all knowledge of the woman when her name was brought up.

“Hmmm no, I’m searching my brain here but no, not heard of her. She’s a musician is it?” offered Skelly as Fagan, scrolling through the Netflix home menu, had remarked ‘ugh, what a babe’ upon seeing the Euphoria and Anyone But You star.

With the seemingly hastily cobbled together words, advising that he is unaware of her existence, Skelly has merely sparked Fagan’s suspicions and placed himself in peril.

“Great, now I think you’re just tugging your rope to her every chance you get,” Fagan said, implying Skelly’s cross-my-heart contention that he has never heard of the pin-up lusted after by the internet is certifiable ‘bullshit’.

“No, no, this isn’t right at all Simon. You’re getting weird with it. I know it, why couldn’t you just say you’d smother me with a pillow if it meant you got to be smothered by her pillows like a normal guy would. Simon, what the fuck?” insisted Fagan, who had no idea there was this sinister secret-holding component to her boyfriend.

Fagan insisted that it is perfectly normal to admit to finding famous people, regarded as among the most beautiful in the world, attractive but to flat out pretend you’ve never heard of them is disturbing.

“Oh, so you’re saying she’s like a sex symbol or something? Right, right, interesting. Personally, I think people should be judged on their merits, like their acting y’know?” added Skelly, creating yet more suspicion and problems for himself.

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