How To Break It To Your Dog That Kay Burley Has Retired

DOG clairvoyant, broadcaster and canine emotion identifier Kay Burley has announced her retirement from Sky News after 36 years.

While it may barely register with the average person, dog owners in the UK and beyond are beside themselves with anxiety over how to break the news to their pooches.

“I don’t think it takes a newscaster with decades of experience to figure out what’ll be in his eyes when I tell him… nuclear grade sadness,” confirmed dog owner Tim Epping, searching for a way to broach the sensitive subject with Chunk, his 12-year-old bulldog.

“I wish Kay herself was here herself to coach me through tackling such a difficult subject but then I remember she relishes delivering bad news with the subtlety of a hammer to the face and a tactless tabloid desire to milk every last drop of sordid sensationalism from tragedy”.

Thankfully official guidelines by dog psychologists have been released to help dog owners in this trying time.

“Take them for a walk to their favourite spot, give them lots of treats and then as your petting them, use something called empathy and do whatever the opposite of what Burley would do is, oh and definitely don’t strangle a photographer,” confirmed one dog expert.

Elsewhere, Sky News viewers shocked by Burley’s announcement have been reassured that the editors who put together Hollywood style trailers for the most horrific news, crimes and natural disasters humanity has witnessed are still employed at the station.

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