Junior Minister For Teas & Coffees Rebuts Claim Some Positions Invented Just To Keep TDs Happy

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COMPLETELY rejecting claims that the current government haven’t appointed a record 23 junior ministers just because TDs ‘pissed and moaned’ about how they wanted more money and expenses, Junior Minister for Getting The Teas and Coffees Donal O’Cammon has delivered a forthright defence of Micheál Martin’s government.

“I think these junior ministers and four super junior ministers form an integral part of the government, and if you don’t mind, please refer to my full title; Junior Minister for Getting The Teas and Coffees, with Special Responsibility for Oat Milk and Purple Snacks, a bit of respect like,” a combative O’Cammon said, defending his appointment.

Despite several junior ministers seeming to have similarly titled briefs with overlapping responsibilities, O’Cammon again strongly denied these appointment were about making more money, looking important and claiming more expenses.

“That’s the first I’ve heard of it now, all those extra payments ministers get so that’s nothing to do with it at all at all. I didn’t know that now, but if I can just correct you there, it’s actually €32k in additional expenses,” O’Cammon offered.

O’Cammon briefly turned hostile accusing WWN of mocking the good, honest rural people he represents and the important role tea plays in their lives, suggesting this publication wants to ban tea, criminal drink tea-driving and throw scolding hot coffee in the face of Ireland.

“Now, you must excuse me, I’ve to see which direct family members and friends I will hire as one of my two drivers at €43k a year each, my secretary at €48k, my special advisor at €79k and whatever else I can wangle out of the taxpayer,” O’Cammon concluded.

“This is a disgrace,” confirmed opposition parties on a brief break from hoping their candidates who failed to get elected in the general election get into the Seanad on €79,614 a year.

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