Seeing ‘Elder Millennials’ In News Headlines Like A Stab In The Heart

MILLENNIALS have urged the media to choose their words more carefully after reports dozens of people born between in the 80s and 90s have suffered cataclysmic emotional breakdowns at seeing ‘elder millennials’ in headlines.

“You can’t be elder anything if you are still part the fresh young generation that’s just emerged and is defining culture. Fashion, music, art, film, we’re the zeitgeist,” falsely alleged geriatric millennial Susie Earley.

The warning to be more mindful of the words people use has been extended to workplace settings which encompasses people just entering the workforce for the very first time.

“If you even so much as try and say ‘oh, I wasn’t born then so it was before my time’ to me, I’ll send you the bills for my therapy, One Tree Hill isn’t ‘classic TV’,” sobbed office worker John Sconnell.

Not helping the situation, the words ‘elder millennials’ often precede headlines such as ‘still have f-all hope of affording a house’.

“Like, what the fuck are you talking about? We’re the tech generation,” offered another near pensionable millennial, who is too afraid to use ChatGPT because they think robots will burst through their window.

UPDATE: An emergency team of therapists have been deployed to millennials after a meme stating ‘we’re as close to the year 2000 as people were in 1975’ began doing the rounds.

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