Putin Can’t Believe Nation He Invaded Allowed Fight Back

REACTING to the news that the nation he first invaded in 2014 by annexing Crimea and again in 2022 continues to fight back and may now launch strikes on Russian targets in Russia, Vladimir Putin said this development was ‘unfair’.

“Missiles? Targeted inside Russia? But that’s where I live?” a visibly confused Putin inquired as he learned the news of the US ‘authorising’ Ukraine’s military using US missiles inside Russian territory for the first time.

“This is how you start World War III you idiots, famously the only way to end any aggression is to allow me to dissolve your nation and declare it property of Russia. You’re violating clear rules of engagement, which I constantly ignore but expect others to uphold. You’ve made a big mistake,” Putin said before instructing an aide to launch a thousand Twitter hot takes accounts to rally to his defence.

What this latest development for the invasion of Ukraine means is still unclear, only that it probably isn’t good news for 10,000 North Korean troops fighting in Russia’s ranks.

“I’m the peace loving victim here, Russia is never the aggressor, well except for Afghanistan, Georgia, Tajikistan, Transnistria, Chechnya, Georgia again, Chechnya again, Ukraine and Syria to name but a few” continued Putin, flabbergasted that he has to wait all the way until Trump’s inauguration to have things turn in his favour.

Meanwhile, US president Joe Biden has apologised for his slow reaction in granting Ukraine permission to use the missiles in this way stating today “this is first I had heard of Russia invading Ukraine, why didn’t anyone tell me sooner”.