“Is This Thing On?” UN Head Says After Pleading With World To Prevent Ethnic Cleansing Of Gaza

CONSULTING with his staff and enlisting the help of a sound engineer, an embarrassed UN General Secretary António Guterres has realised the microphone he has used for the past 12 months to issue grave warnings about the horrors in Gaza wasn’t switched on.

“Hello? Ethnic cleansing. One-two, one-two, murdering children, check check check, bombing a five-storey building killing 93 people, many of them children,” shared Guterres before he realised his microphone must have been turned off since October 2023.

“No wonder there’s been complete inaction amongst world leaders to bring an end to Israel’s war crimes,” Guterres said, tapping his microphone to double-check it was now working.

Praising the resilience of the Palestinian people in the face of endless collective punishment, Guterres apologised for not realising world leaders had no idea these onslaughts were taking place.

“Wow, that was so silly of me, well now I’ve finally got this working and it can project my voice around the world, I expect the international community to stop the intentional restriction of food and water and the mass killing of civilians,” said Guterres, urging a sound guy to turn up the volume on his mic as he was still just getting blank, detached expressions from everyone.

Elsewhere, the two major US political parties have separately hired the largest sound systems in the world to broadcast ‘Israel has the right to defend itself’ from the nearest rooftop.