Loyalist Rioters Demand To Know If Man Is Catholic Muslim Or Protestant Muslim

IN BID to limit the amount of terror Loyalist criminals subject people to on the basis of their skin colour, those leading the vile, unadulterated racism have said they only need to subject anyone who isn’t white to a brief questionnaire.

“We’re not monsters we only want to assault, intimidate and burnout the businesses of Catholic Muslims,” clarified one handless man who had worn away his limbs from excessive knuckle-dragging, “so that’s it really, well, are you a Catholic or Protestant Muslim?”

“This place has changed too much, I want the Northern Ireland of unity, integration and assimilation that we were famous for back in the day,” added another rioter, who missed the days when everyone knew their neighbour and what paramilitary organisation which colluded with British forces they were a member of.

Concerned Loyalists also complained that irrespective of whether these immigrants were Catholic or Protestant Muslims, the local economy has suffered.

“None of them want to buy my drugs,” confirmed one hooded protector of the precious youth of tomorrow.

“We’re completely overrun with this immigration stuff. We’re an ethnic minority so we are,” said one Loyalist, part of the diverse multicultural hell that is 96.55% white according to the last census, Northern Ireland.

Elsewhere, evidence has emerged, believed to be the very first of its kind, that indicates some ‘proud Irish patriots’ might be thicker than frozen elephant shite. The evidence in question comes in the form of Irish far-right activists from south of the border taking part in a Belfast protest and then being happily hosted by a Loyalist arrested over the murder of five Catholics.