Person Who Costed Children’s Hospital Revealed To Be 12-Year-Old Who Wrote ‘80085’ On Calculator


SUDDENLY the €1.7bn-and-counting overspend on the Children’s Hospital makes a whole lot more sense, as WWN can exclusively reveal the government put an immature 12-year-old armed only with a calculator in charge.

“Yeah, okay I feel a little less angry about this because in fairness there’s no way grown adults in influential and highly paid state positions could have gotten their numbers so wrong at a cost of billions to the taxpayer, that’d be criminal” shared one member of the public.

Minutes from the relevant meetings reveal when the government gave the greenlight to the original €600mn budget for the hospital, 12-year-old Liam Carey’s only contribution was saying ‘haha, here, here, luck at this, the ‘5’ is an ‘S’, get it?’

An understanding public can now better appreciate why the media isn’t giving Oireachtas committees dealing with construction firm BAM putting in €756mn in additional costs arising from 2,175 claims as much coverage of the committees centred on RTÉ.

“Entrusting a 12-year-old with appraising the financial cost of one of the largest building projects in the State’s history was an oversight but you’d rather that than Simon Harris or Stephen Donnelly in fairness” admitted Taoiseach Leo Varadkar.

While experts in project management are all unified in believing ‘80085’ is irrefutably hilarious and the height of comedy, they believe the ballooning budget represent a huge scandal.

“Only 27 out of 3,000 beds delivered so far and €1.7bn overbudget and somehow magically no one is to blame? They’re lucky they didn’t spend €5,000 on flip flops or else they’d be in serious trouble,” confirmed a spokesperson for the Irish Council Of Consequences.

In more encouraging news, the child who will cut the ribbon at the hospital’s eventual grand opening has spoken of their excitement, with the now 86-year-old little Timmy O’Neill saying he hopes he’s still alive when it eventually opens sometime in 2045.