Explaining The Musk Vs Twitter Legal Battle To A Starving Child: A Guide

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MANY of the world’s starving children may find it hard to comprehend why their lives are so difficult when one man- in this case, Elon Musk could help end their suffering with the change in his pocket. In fact, the ongoing Twitter takeover shitstorm may seem confusing, but don’t worry- we got you, bro.



1) A lot of this stuff is boring

Musk once tweeted that he would cash $6bn of stock in Tesla and end world hunger if the UN would show him where his money would go, before seemingly forgetting all about it after they outlined exactly where every cent would be spent. He then went on to attempt to spend 7 times that amount to buy Twitter outright, before quickly changing his mind, tanking stock in the bird app at the same time. This should be proof to the starving kids of this world that once you get to a level of wealth, everything becomes boring very quickly. Elon can’t be expected to follow through on things he proposes if he gets bored of them, can he? He’s only one man, give him a break.

2) Twitter is great craic

If kids in the developing world spent a little more time using an iPhone and a little less time mining for the minerals to make one, they’d quickly learn that Twitter is great fun. You can easily see why a billionaire would want to buy the platform instead of ending world hunger. And you can just as easily see why the owners of Twitter would get upset when he pulls out, launch an expensive lawsuit against him. It’s all just a big load of messy drama and way better fun than doing something boring like donating money to charity. C’mon kids, try and see things from the perspective of a rich person for once.

3) Oh, wait, you’re dead

The UN claimed in November of 2021 that 45m people were in danger of death by starvation in the poorest and most famine-hit countries in 2022, and it’s October now so at least half that total must be gone by now. So who exactly does Elon Musk have to explain himself to? He’ll get around to saving people next year, or maybe some other billionaire like Jeff Bezos will get the job done, once they finish building superyachts, colonise Mars, buy the moon, you know, the more pressing world issues.

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