“I’m Still Here, Motherfuckers!”

FLIPPING two middle fingers in the air, British-Indian writer Salman Rushdie is said to starting his recovery after an assassination attempt just days ago, taking no time to call out his attacker and anyone like him.

“I’m still here, motherfuckers!” Rushdie shouted down the lenses of the assembled press camera, “looks like Allah was on my side after all, eh?”

The 75-year-old Rushdie was left on a ventilator with multiple stab wounds after he was attacked at a literary event in New York state, an attack which is believed to have been motivated by the 1989 Fatwa issued over his so-called ‘blasphemous’ book The Satanic Verses by Iran’s then-supreme leader, the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini, who would have probably given the novel a lengthy 1-star on Amazon review if he were still alive today.

“This stupid prick wasn’t even a gum stain on his mother’s burka when I wrote it,” Rushdie added, referring to the alleged attacker, 25-year-old Hadi Matar.

Salman spent years under protection over his portrayal of the Prophet Mohammad, with the controversy making it a number one best seller worldwide and him a number one target for insane Islamic fundamentalists.

“Ironically, I’d actually like to thank Mr. Matar for boosting The Satanic Verses book sales this week, it was kind of worth the few wounds, loss of an eye, severed nerves,” he continued, “I’ll make sure to send him a personalised signed copy to his prison cell when I get out of hospital – maybe he’ll actually read the thing”.