Here’s The Menu At Moscow’s McDonalds Replacement

‘VKUSNO i Tochka’ doesn’t trip off the tongue as easily as ‘McDonalds’, but Russians are going to have to get used to the name change following the revamp of the world-famous chain, which pulled out of Russia in protest against the war in Ukraine.

We got to sample the fare at Vkusno i Tochka (translation: ‘Tasty, And That’s It’) while on a diplomatic mission to Moscow, and here’s what we thought about the replacements to our favourites:

Big Mac: Without a shadow of a doubt, there is only one Big Mac. Any attempt to replicate the mother of all burgers is going to be met with, excuse us, we’re doing a piece for Irish news here, what are those soldiers doing, you can’t do this we are members of the press.

McChicken Sandwich: Vkusno i Tochka chicken sandwich makes filthy McChicken taste like pigs shit. All western food is pigs shit. Vkusno i Tochka make better.

Happy Meals: Every meal at Vkusno i Tochka is a happy meal. People are happy to live in prosperous and fair society of Russia, and are happy to help liberate Ukraine from evil Nazi overlords. World will come to see how wrong they have been. Vkusno i Tochka Happy Meal comes with free pre-filled in application to Russian military. Join the fight little comrade!

McFlurry: Ice-cream at Vkusno i Tochka is taste best in world. Taste extra sweet thanks to beautiful strong leader Putin. Also, time to make note that all food at Vkusno i Tochka is prepared fresh every day and contains 0% polonium.

Filet-O-Fish: Filet-O-Fish is shit no matter where you get it.