High Rents, High Unemployment: Why Won’t Young People Get The Message & Emigrate?


DUE to being held in higher esteem by young people than Tik Tok, WWN has been asked by the Department of No Jobs to use its influence to engage with younger generations and ask why they can’t take a hint.

‘I would emigrate only there’s a pandemic you fucking clowns’ is an understandable response to such inquiries from the government but its special Seriously Though, Fuck Off Unit (STFOU) couldn’t have made its feelings any clearer, it’s almost like you want to be stuck in Ireland, priced out of a life:

“We just don’t get it, we’re trying our best here to make it a foregone conclusion, but we’re worried you don’t feel robbed of a decent chance at a nice life enough to head off to Australia, the UK or Canada,” confirmed a STFOU spokesperson.

“We made Simon Harris join Tik Tok for Christ’s sake, we can’t make our condescending contempt any clearer, we’ve no homes or jobs for you lot, so time to head off.”.

“Terrible pay and working conditions for nurses and doctors, zero respect for teachers, making Dublin hard to afford even if you’re Elon Musk… if we can do much, much less to help you please let us know, whatever gets you looking up Skyscanner flights,” added the spokesperson.

“We clearly need feedback, and getting back to the drawing board because all the gaslighting doesn’t seem to work either; we banned co-living while also letting it just carry on. We love boasting about social progress, upping minimum wage, paternity leave and all that bollocks, but we probably need to work harder at crushing your resolve, so any tips are welcome,” they continued.

“Do you need to see more tents? ‘Cus we can do more tent villages if ye like, just say the word and we’ll have a treasured cultural institution flattened and replaced by sparkling hotel within the hour,” the spokesperson enthused.