Court Rules It’s Illegal For Johnson To Be That Big Of A Twat

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SCOTTISH JUDGES have ruled that British prime minister Boris Johnson’s recent conduct, which has included lying to parliament, the public and the Queen as well as declaring he would break the law by ignoring rulings by a parliament he has lost control of, has breached the legal ceiling of acceptable levels of being a twat.

“While the courts don’t usually intervene in instances of a high concentration of repeated twattery, the sort Mr. Johnson is guilty of are so egregious it is incumbent on this court to act and sanction him justly,” explained one of the judges who’s impartiality wasn’t called into question because of the overwhelming and damning nature of the evidence.

The plaintiff in the high profile case secured the judgement after they presented a case which consisted of pointing at Johnson and saying ‘just look at the twat’.

The judgement is a fresh blow to Johnson who is also under fire for his strident opposition to being forced by MPs to unveil the contents of Yellowhammer documents which predict public disorder, rising prices and harmless disruptions to food and medicines in the case of a no-deal Brexit.

Defending himself against accusations he lied to the Queen about his reasons for proroguing parliament, the former mayor of London and Twatistan lied again in a move described as ‘very predictable’ by anyone who has a passing awareness of Johnson.

The judgement concluded with “and as if further proof was needed the Yellowhammer documents state that a hard border with checks and physical infrastructure will be needed in Northern Ireland and implemented despite your lies stating otherwise”.

Government lawyers are set to appeal the decision to the supreme court on the basis that Johnson is not only merely a twat of unimpeachable reputation who emits 10,000 units of twattage a minute, he is also an array of other colourful and appropriate insults and swear words.

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