The Complete List Of Solutions To US Mass Shootings That Isn’t Gun Control


NOW that it has been scientifically proven once more by Republican politicians that laws pertaining to gun control would have zero bearing on guns being used to kill innocent people, strategists for the president and his administration have been busy listing off measures that can be taken to bring an end to the uniquely American phenomenon of frequent and regular mass shootings.

It is believed president Trump will now take the day off after finding being forced by aides into condemning racism, bigotry and white spremacy ‘upsetting as well as physically and psychological draining’, however, before leaving to play golf somewhere, Trump ordered the release of the full list of solutions to US mass shootings that isn’t gun control which WWN has reproduced below:

Ban ‘phew phew phew’ video games.

Inventing a special gun trigger which stops working the second someone who has ‘mental health issues’ pulls on it. Sadly, no such technology exists for racists and evil people who get hold of a gun legally.

Setting up a government initiative which sees them taking everyone for ice cream after a mass shooting to cheer them up.

Just generally blaming people with mental health issues for mass shootings, even the millions and millions people across the world with mental health issues who never carry out a mass shooting.



Combining praying and thoughts into a single act.

Increasing the money the NRA lobbyists pay to Republican politicians.

Advise Americans to barricade up their homes and never leave.

Investing in one really big gun with one really big bullet that could kill all mass shooters.

Invest money into finding out how to blame Muslims for white supremacist terrorism.

Sending all white mass shooters back to the shit hole vermin infested countries they came from.

Patiently waiting until all this big fuss about nothing dies down, and then continuing to do nothing.

Pretending this is normal and everything is fine.

Try blaming people with mental health for all of this once again.

Ban from entering the US the sort of US citizens legally living in US that have the sort of skin tone that white supremacist terrorists hate.

Bullet proof every building, road, car and person in America.

More speeches from presidents about how racism is kinda cool?