Vatican Raid Sees Pope And Thousands More Arrested In Ideal World ​


AN EARLY morning raid on the Vatican by over 500 Interpol agents has seen the Pope and thousands of clergy arrested as part of ongoing child abuse investigations spanning over 50 years, WWN can confirm.

Treating the Vatican like any other multi-billion euro company whose employees carried out decades of child abuse, agents stormed CEO Pope Francis’s residence at 6am this morning in an ideal world which is not too far from our own world, but a world just a little bit more intolerant to child sexual abuse than ours.

“If Google, Apple or any other large multi-national company had thousands employees accused and charged for peadophilia offenses, and proof that companies tried to cover this up, of course they’d be raided and every document and file searched in its HQ,” explained lead Interpol investigator in the ideal world, Detective Denis Kent

Referring to the Vatican’s own report that stated 1 in every 50 Catholic priests have paedophile tendencies, Kent stated “just because the Vatican is based around a religion, it doesn’t give it any more rights than any other company, they even pay the same rate of tax – nothing – so they should face the same laws”.

In the ideal world this morning, the Pope and his cardinals were detained in various holding cells across the region and will undergo intense interrogation and are expected to be held for up to 72 hours as part of the investigation into the biggest child abuse cover ups in the modern, ideal world history.

“We’re going to see exactly what they know about the historic sexual abuse carried out by its staff,” detective Kent added, “we’re going to search all their documents, all their archives, absolutely everything we can find in their HQ. This was a long time coming, but inevitable all the same. Why wouldn’t we raid the Vatican and its offices around the world? It would be criminal not too”.

Admitting to being a little late in their investigations, Kent also apologised to abuse victims the world over for the delay in finally investigating the church.

“Even in an ideal world it’s hard to convince senior people to investigate a religious order as big as the Vatican,” he said, “the main problem being a lot of people in power are afraid of the backlash, especially with the amount of information the church has on them. You know the types”.