“We Better Wash The Car Today” Decides Entire Nation


THE nation of Ireland in its entirety has today collectively decided to wash their cars today, WWN can confirm.

Despite the limited number of car wash locations operating on Christmas eve, absolutely every car owner in the country queued patiently for automatic and manual car washes, blissfully unaware of other days in the calendar year that they could have chosen.

“I was going to wash it yesterday, but there was no queue for the car wash,” said local man Gerry Woods, “I’m the kind of guy who likes to park up the car in the automatic wash, and then get out and look at it as it’s doing its thing.

“The in-laws are going to love the shine off my alloys when we drive up tomorrow… can’t wait”.

Another man admitted to just loving the atmosphere at the petrol station during Christmas eve.

“There’s nothing like the smell of stale booze and spilled fuel when queueing for your ticket code,” he insisted, “I’ve already read four Sunday newspapers waiting for the wash today. It wasn’t even dirty, it’s just a tradition at this stage”.

It is estimated that over 30 million cars are washed in Ireland every Christmas eve, generating almost half a billion euros to the local economy, and spewing 40 million tonnes of raw sewage into the sea – just in time for Christmas day swimmers.