WWN’s Horoscopes

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aries

21 March – 20 April

Embrace your inner teenager and just walk around holding your balls all day.  

taurus

21 April – 21 May

After watching IT, you decide to become a clown. It looks like a laugh.  

gemini

May 21 – June 20

You’ve got a hot take on a sensitive subject, you’ve got the internet at your disposal… what are you waiting for?  

cancer

June 21 – July 22

You remain in amazement at the fact that George Hook still has a radio show, let alone listeners.  

leo

July 23 – August 22

Monday pints are currently not out of the question.  

virgo

August 23 – September 22

You hold down on your head for 15 seconds, forcing a restart.  

libra

September 23 – October 22

This might be the LSD talking, but jkbajbdl bassqdsyvbalbc

scorpio

October 23 – November 21

You laugh at how the stars of Friends look these days, but the friends you had at that time are long gone.  

sagittarius

November 22 – December 21

You’re streaming something on 123Movies, and decide that fuck it, your computer could use a speed test right now.  

capricorn

December 22 – January 19

Are you finishing that sandwich?

aquarius

January 20 – February 18

They name a hurricane after you! Sweet!

pisces

February 19 – March 20

If you drank as much of any other fluid as you do of wine, you’d be grand.  

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