WWN Horoscopes

Facebook Share Share
Twitter Share
Flipboard Share
Reddit Share


21 March – 20 April

You spend the week slagging off the Rose Of Tralee, but there’s no way you’re missing it.


21 April – 21 May

You buy a phone cover that’s also a wallet, because who has time to lose things in stages?


May 21 – June 20

Work on your novel has now entered its third week of sitting in Starbucks using their WiFi to make bets online.  


June 21 – July 22

You have a good feeling about McGregor v Mayweather, and remain optimistic about your chances of sleeping right through the thing.


July 23 – August 22

You do that thing where you file for bankruptcy but remain super rich, somehow.  


August 23 – September 22

You see a penny, you pick it up. All the day you have a fucking penny in your pocket, driving you nuts.  


September 23 – October 22

It took you six weeks, but you finally click ‘accept’ after reading through every term and condition on your Apple account.


October 23 – November 21

You lead a horse to water and force him to drink it at gunpoint.  


November 22 – December 21

You make microwave popcorn where only nine kernels didn’t pop. Your life has peaked!


December 22 – January 19

Your mam doesn’t ask you if you want tea. Something’s up.  


January 20 – February 18

You get electrocuted while playing beach volleyball. This’ll look good on the CV.  


February 19 – March 20

Bad news- they finally catch you. Good news- The Hague is lovely this time of year.

ONE MORE THING: Our articles have been free for the past 10 years and will remain so for the foreseeable future. We've since launched an exclusive service for sound fuckers to donate a price of a fancy coffee per month in return for a whole new tier of quality satire. So please, give our small team some support, you absolute legend. Thanks.

Signing up is easy and done HERE.
Comments ( 1 )
Share what you think.
Facebook Share Share
Twitter Share
Flipboard Share
Reddit Share