WWN Horoscopes

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21 March – 20 April

You cancel your plans to visit America for the foreseeable future, ever.


21 April – 21 May

They said you’d never amount to anything, and boy how right they were.


May 21 – June 20

You eat 25 portions of fruit in a single day, freeing you up to eat nothing but crap for the rest of the week.  


June 21 – July 22

You impose sanctions on North Korea.  


July 23 – August 22

This week you start to binge watch Coronation Street right from the start.  


August 23 – September 22

You finally bring a load of overdue tapes back at Xtra-Vision.


September 23 – October 22

You’re suddenly a fan of Waterford hurling. You love them. Always have, always will.  


October 23 – November 21

The appearance of a Terminator on Game Of Thrones come as quite a surprise to you.  


November 22 – December 21

You give this ‘put your trousers on, one leg at a time’ thing a go, and you have to admit that it’s not without it’s merits.  


December 22 – January 19

You finally pull your penis clean off. You were warned! You didn’t listen!  


January 20 – February 18

You put out a plate of Ferrero Rocher for your guests and not one of them thanks you, the spoiled bastards.  


February 19 – March 20

You decide to quit drinking, but will wait until the new year as there’s no point now with Halloween and Christmas coming up 

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