Nation Begins Annual Plea To Be Allowed To Get Shitfaced In Pubs On Good Friday


THE first contributions to the now annual debate as to why the government won’t relent and allow the Irish public to get shitfaced in pubs on Good Friday have been entered into the public record, WWN understands.

Ireland’s Vinters Association has once again appealed to the government to allow pubs to open on Good Friday, prompting similar outcry from full time drinkers across the Nation.

“Yeah, yiz fuckers, if I want to drink in a pub on Good Friday I bloody well will. I’m not religious, I’m not Catholic so it’s ridiculous, why do we even capitalise Good Friday? Just bowing to made up belief systems. You better not capitalise Good Friday in any of my quotes, I’m fucking warning ya,” shared local man Sean Jarvis, who was deeply upset by the inconvenience.

The government, however, defended its decision, citing Jesus.

“Sure didn’t Jesus do something on that day, and you can’t be opening on a day like that. What was it he did again, was it breathing fire out of his mouth into a hot air balloon, or was that in a movie I saw? Anyway, he was some lad, wasn’t he?” confirmed Minister for Closing Pubs For One Day Ciaran Hanlon.

Citing research they made up on the spot, several fans of the idea of getting shitfaced in a pub confirmed that the Nation’s morale could increase by ‘a million billion percent’ if they were permitted to have just the 12 in their local on Good Friday.