WWN Guide To Wicklow

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BELOVED by the entire Nation, the ‘Garden of Ireland’ is a truly beautiful county that deserves all the praise it gets, and today we here at WWN can provide you with the county’s essential guide:

Wicklow used to be much bigger, but has been forced repeatedly to give up much of its land to Dublin; this has been called the ‘Dublinfication’ of Wicklow. Some mistaken Wicklow natives are still under the impression that Enniskerry, Bray and Greystones fall under the borders of the county, but following Dubliners’ policy of moving there and ruining it for everyone else, they have been surrendered to the capital.

Glendalough’s St. Kevin’s Monastery and round tower is the site of an ancient Monastic settlement, which apart from being famous for fending off raiders and attackers, is also famous for holding a number of classic ‘mushroom mayhem’ sessions in which monks experimented endlessly with the magic mushrooms and rhythmic bodhran playing similar to modern drum and bass music.

The ‘mushroom mayhem’ sessions go a long way to explaining why the monks thought it was a good idea to build a big tower with no door.

Wicklow is the most popular county for the illegal dumping of waste and dead bodies, topping the charts since records began in 1999.

Wicklow bay is, of course, known for the first ever sighting of the land mass known as Britain, local lore has it that Eoghan Kearns in 668AD had been staring out to sea aimlessly and with it being a particularly clear and calm day, he caught sight of what appeared to be another land mass across the water. Prior to this, the native Irish population just presumed they and their homeland were the sole inhabitants on planet Earth. After a brief discussion with other locals, Eoghan decided it was best not to swim out to Britain as it looked ‘a bit shit’ from a distance.

The modest county holds the record for the most bypasses, with residents fighting hard for the building of over 5,000 bypass roads in the belief that if Dubliners kept bypassing the picturesque villages and towns of Wicklow fewer Dublin residents would try to permanently move from the capital.

Wicklow has a population of just over 136,000 people, but in the summer months this swells to over 1.5 million as the entire population of Dublin decamps to mobile homes in the county.

The name ‘Garden of Ireland’ is derived from a tragic incident which saw the loss of 58 gardeners’ lives. In 1908 a train load of gardeners were being transported from Dublin to Rosslare port in Wexford on their way to the very first ever Chelsea Flower Show in London. En route the train crashed with another train carrying florists returning towards Dublin from the first day of the show. All 58 gardeners and florists were killed instantly in the collision, and all of their flower and tree seeds supplies fell out onto the surrounding fields, giving rise to large numbers of beautiful and vibrant flower growth over the corpses in the coming months.

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