5 Things Fidelma Healy Eames Uses Her Computer For


SENATOR Fidelma Healy Eames, a politician in this country, caused some commotion online yesterday after footage emerged of her referring to Wi-Fi as “wiffy”.

The gaffe suggested that the Seanad member was out of her depth when it comes to discussing matters relating to technology, but in actual fact Ms. Healy Eames is very adept when it come to computers. Here’s five things she can do almost all by herself!

1) Look things up on her Encarta CD


Computers can be a great source of research, and nobody knows this better than Fidelma. Anytime she needs to research a topic, she just places her copy of Encarta 95 into the CD-ROM drive, double-clicks on the icon on her desktop and within minutes, she’s got all the information she needs. Genius!

2) Use WordArt and ClipArt


If she needs a cover for her folder made, or a poster or invite for an upcoming birthday party, then Senator Healy Eames is all over that shit. Favouring comic-sans as her font of choice, she can create really awesome posters featuring images and little stick-men, although she can only print them in black-and-white as she doesn’t own a colour printer.

3) Make circles in Paint


And not just circle; ovals too! Fidelma can create amazing Venn diagram style images using Microsoft paint, and then colour them all in using the ‘fill’ button. It’s skills like these that make her one of the people who has a small part in deciding on policies for the entire country.

4) Play Doom


IDDQA! IDKFA! Healy Eames is pretty good at both Doom and Doom 2, and would love to have a go at Quake except her PC doesn’t have enough RAM to run it.

5) Surf the information superhighway


A computer is just a box, until you connect it to the power of the worldwide web. Fidelma can use her Wang 486 to connect to other computer owners all over the world, at lightening fast speeds of 56kbps! And that’s without even needing a wiffy password!