Questions Raised As Spiderman Fails To Use ‘Web Shit’ In Dublin Attack



QUESTIONS about authenticity have been raised after Spiderman failed to use his ‘web shit’ in an attack on a Dublin city street yesterday afternoon.

The crime fighter has come under fire by critics after a video of him apprehending a criminal went viral.

“It went on for ages,” said one viewer, who watched the entire two minute, forty five second video with his eyes. “Why didn’t Spiderman just zap him with his web shit instead of pushing and shoving him like a dope?”

In an exclusive interview with WWN, Spiderman defended his decision not to use his web, stating that since the recession started in 2008, carbon fibre webbing has become increasingly expensive and has to sometimes ‘hold back’ from using it.

“It comes in at two thousand spons a fucking roll,” said the masked crusader, who was munching into a bowl of flies at the time. “Sure, ya can’t be just wasting it on junkies or pickpockets, ya know? I’m well able for hand to hand stuff as well. It’s not all about the fucking spurts of web and glory.”

Yesterday you tube commentators slammed Spiderman for the increased crime figures released last week, claiming he was ‘becoming lazy in his old age and should retire’ and that he is never there ‘swinging around when he’s needed’.

“I never read YouTube comments cause it’s full of dicks,” he replied, picking out fly wings from his teeth. “Number one: I don’t swing from buildings in Dublin cause they are too small. If that was the case I’d be just mainly hanging around that horrible fucking SIPTO tower on Eden Quay. Two: I’m only part-time now since I went back to college to study forestry. Nigga’s got to educate himself too, ya know?”

Both Spiderman and the assailant were arrested yesterday, but released without charge pending further investigation into the incident.