Rest Of Ukraine Pretending They’re Homosexual
FOLLOWING CRIMEA’S electoral decision to join Russia, Ukraine’s leaders have called on its population to pretend they’re homosexual for a while.
The calls for gay came after 93% of the Crimean population voted against rule by the current Ukrainian government, in what the west has called an ‘illegal Poll’.
Since news of the mutiny, thousands of Ukrainian men have taken to the streets in drag, performing female like dance moves under the watchful eye of the Russian army.
“I have a wife and four kids,” said Kiev resident Egor Malinovich, who was donning a beautiful little Christian Dior number. “I will do whatever it takes to stop Russia from taking our country, even if it involves gaying up and acting like a total puff.”
Along with the men, equal numbers of freshly shaven headed women have also come out to pretend they’re gay, many of whom wearing ill-fitting corduroy pants and chequered shirts.
“Ever since college, I’ve always wanted to try being a lesbian.” said one butch looking woman with a funny hat. “What a better time to give it a go. Not only am I fulfilling my deepest desires, I’m also saving Ukraine from Vladimir Putin.”
The Ukrainian government also announced yesterday that the country will host the worlds biggest gay pride parade on April 21st in Kiev.