Month: September 2011

Bewildered Ahern Struggling To Acquire ‘Cash Donations’ From ‘Friends’ To Help Pay Tribunal Legal Bills

BERTIE AHERN is finding it increasingly difficult to get cash donations from business friends to help pay his €500k Mahan tribunal legal bill, a source close to the former Taoiseach said today. The €150,000 a year ‘retiree scumfuck who oversaw the total annihilation of the entire Irish property market’ is said to have exhausted all… Read more »

WWN Horoscope

Aries  March 21 – April 19 You, Paddy English man and Paddy Scots man will come across a genies lamp this week on a local beach, they make three wishes, and break down crying in what is to be one of the lamist jokes you have ever heard. Taurus  April 20 – May 20 This… Read more »

Gardai Start New Roll-Out Of ‘Heavy-Set Culchies’

A new Garda plan to deploy a team of over-weight country men and women to deal with critical incidents is being implemented this week. The ‘culchie units’ are being established in the nations capital and will act as a front line for the force in the fight against violent crime in the city. The units,… Read more »

One Winner Scoops €25 After Scratch Card Rollover

This week has been so exciting for Irish Lottery players with both the Winning streak and the easy money scratch card games forking out a record prize amount. Last night a man from Burr in Co.Offaly won a staggering €8 with a single scratch card lottery ticket, just ten days after another man, Michael Jacob,… Read more »

Banks escape with €73bn after “Celtic Tiger Kidnap” ordeal

EUROPEAN Union authorities are flabbergasted at a “tiger kidnapping” in which the Irish government handed over €73bn to a criminal gang of bankers. The spineless crooks had forced defenceless politicians to give them a vast amount of money while holding numerous developments and businesses hostage. In this bizarre incident, finance minister Brian lenihan, was ordered… Read more »

Dole Queue Causes 2 Hour Traffic Jam.

UNEMPLOYED people of Waterford once again formed a queue stretching 3km from the social welfare offices, on the Cork road, down to the end of Parnell street today. Traffic came to a total stand still from 9am to 11am this morning as there was no way around the huge volumes of people who were waiting… Read more »