Tag: weather

Local Psycho Actually Likes Shite Weather

AN APPARENT psychopath has declared his fondness for shite and inclement weather, specifically the horrid unremitting bleakness associated with the depths of winter, WWN can reveal. Andy Colgan (33) has been eagerly anticipating the drop in temperature, the reduction in light in the evenings, the increase in the chill and rain since the end of… Read more »

Local Man Leaves Tap On All Day Out Of Spite

REACTING to continued reports that a hosepipe ban is set to stay in place for the coming days and Ireland could experience dangerously low water levels, one local man is leaving his kitchen sink tap running out of pure spite. Dublin native Damien Chappins, who has never taken well to being told what to do,… Read more »

BREAKING: Ireland To Burst Into Flames Any Minute Now

THE SOARING temperatures occurring as the country descends into a sweaty mess will result in the entirety of Ireland bursting into flames any minute now, weather experts have warned. The country of Ireland, which comes with instructions to ‘store in a cool, dry place and never putting in direct sunlight’ is perilously close to exceeding… Read more »

Man Hay Fever: The Facts

A DEADLY new strain of hay fever is currently gripping the male population of Ireland, with symptoms that are said to be exponentially more severe than the regular variant of the pollen intolerance. With women said to be largely unaffected, the strain dubbed ‘Man Hay Fever’ is said to be almost as lethal as other… Read more »

WWN Guide To Sleeping In That Heat

AS Ireland’s biannual heatwave continues to bathe the country in temperatures of up to 30 degrees celsius, the Nation once again finds itself confronted with with the seemingly solutionless problem of heat-based insomnia. Given that the majority of Irish housing units are built with the sole purpose of keeping out driving rain for 364 days… Read more »