Tag: snow

Lidl Install Security Walls Around Shops As Snow Predicted

AN UNPRECEDENTED level of construction is currently taking place at Lidl stores across the country as Met Éireann weather reports have confirmed the potential return of snow in the coming days. With 189 of Lidl’s 190 Irish shops still in operation, the retailer has begun construction of large JCB-proof security walls which will inhibit anyone… Read more »

Police Investigate Angel Massacre

A SPECIALLY-formed unit of An Garda Síochana has been drafted in to help solve the mysterious circumstances surrounding the deaths of hundreds of angels across Ireland, with only their telltale outline in the fresh snow brought by Storm Emma for clues. A spokesperson for the Snow Patrol has estimated that as many as 786 angels were… Read more »

Local Man Too Tough To Put Hood Up In Snow

WHILE the majority of soft-shites in Ireland are wrapping up warm against the Arctic conditions brought by Storm Emma, local hard chaw Derek Canning has been spotted walking around outside without a hat or a hood up, WWN can confirm. Firmly stating that it’s ‘not that cold’, Canning has been on several unnecessary journeys today… Read more »

Ireland Closed

NORMALLY open with operating hours of 00.00-24.00 hours, Ireland has instead taken the decision to close with severe disruption to users of Ireland, WWN has learned. Tommy McNally, Ireland’s caretaker spoke to WWN late last night as he was tasked with putting closed signs on various parts of the country. “This is probably the largest… Read more »