Tag: science

God Apologises For Saggy Skin On Human Races’ Elbows

BREAKING His longstanding silence to answer queries from the general public, God Almighty has apologised for the first time regarding that saggy bit of skin on humans’ elbows. “I may have been distracted when I made that part, and for that I’m sorry,” God stated before admitting his concentration and efforts mostly went into perfecting… Read more »

Women Don’t Full Understand Mansplaining, Finds Study

RESULTS from a newly published study have revealed a staggering number of women don’t fully understand mansplaining and need it explained to them again because they are wrong about it. ‘Mansplaining’ mischaracterised as a man explaining something, often unsolicited, to a woman in a condescending manner, is not fully understood by as much as 92%… Read more »

Day Ruined By Realisation Your Parents Masturbate

A RECENT study into the mindset of the average member of the public has revealed that 100% of people’s day is rendered completely and utterly ruined when it is pointed out that your parents have once and possibly continue to masturbate. “Ugh, fuck sake, why would you say something like that,” was the overwhelming response… Read more »

Black Hole Shaped Hole Found In Universe’s Heart

A LEADING group of astrophysicists have observed the presence of a newly formed black hole at the heart of the universe, leading to many people to descend into a sombre mood. “It just appeared out of nowhere this morning, it’s a sad development,” confirmed physicist Professor Yvonne Towdey, tears forming in her eyes as she… Read more »

Scientists Discover Link Between People Who ‘Don’t Like Drama’ & Drama Occurring

PIONEERING scientists have been able to identify a link between the occurrence of high levels of drama which was highly avoidable with people who proudly proclaim there is nothing in life they hate more than ‘drama’, WWN has learned. “Cross referencing the number of times an individual stated categorically that they hated drama, and didn’t… Read more »

Cheddar Man May Have Been More Evolved Than Britain First Members, Confirm Archaeologists

FURTHER DNA analysis into the remains of Britain’s oldest known skeleton has revealed that not only did ‘Cheddar Man’ have a much darker skin complexion than previously thought, but he may also have been capable of more complex brain functions than the average member of far-right group ‘Britain First’. Cheddar Man, named after the gorge in… Read more »