Tag: russia

Putin Critic Found Dismembered In Apparent Suicide

A RUSSIAN journalist and vocal critic of Vladimir Putin has reportedly committed suicide by dismembering his own body, Russia Today has confirmed. The 122nd opponent and/or critic of Putin to die in perfectly non-suspicious circumstances in recent years, Andrei Ivanov, was found in several pieces in his Moscow apartment after taking a knife to himself, and ending… Read more »

Russia Trial Bear Referees For Upcoming World Cup

AFTER a recent spate of unsavoury incidents involving the intimidation of referees, Russia has proposed an innovative solution to the cancer on football that is professional footballers. Famed for constantly diving to win penalties, cheating to gain minor advantages throughout each second of a game and having shit haircuts, footballers are potentially the only element… Read more »

Russians Guilty Until Proven Guilty

THE international community has agreed to adopt a ‘guilty until proven guilty’ stance towards Russia in relation to the nerve-agent poisoning of a former spy in Britain, following a deliberation that lasted as long as it took to say ‘well of course they fucking did it’. The Russian government, who have previously stated in no… Read more »

Trump Makes Congratulations Card For Putin All By Himself

DESPITE pleas from his closest advisors, his family, his friends, his political allies, and the Russian government itself, US president Donald Trump has pressed ahead and constructed a ‘congratulations’ card for Vladimir Putin, who was elected for another term as president at the weekend. The card, constructed from the back of a cereal box that Trump… Read more »