Tag: russia

Russians Guilty Until Proven Guilty

THE international community has agreed to adopt a ‘guilty until proven guilty’ stance towards Russia in relation to the nerve-agent poisoning of a former spy in Britain, following a deliberation that lasted as long as it took to say ‘well of course they fucking did it’. The Russian government, who have previously stated in no… Read more »

Trump Makes Congratulations Card For Putin All By Himself

DESPITE pleas from his closest advisors, his family, his friends, his political allies, and the Russian government itself, US president Donald Trump has pressed ahead and constructed a ‘congratulations’ card for Vladimir Putin, who was elected for another term as president at the weekend. The card, constructed from the back of a cereal box that Trump… Read more »

Russia Begins Grooming Bruno Mars For US Presidency

IDENTIFYING his awful music’s unique ability to divide opinion and stokes divisions in America and around the world, Russian secret service operatives have confirmed multiple Grammy winner Bruno Mars could be the ideal successor to current undercover agent, Donald Trump. “We have not seen people love and hate something or someone so much since dear… Read more »

Putin Celebrates Landslide 2018 Presidential Election Victory

CELEBRATIONS have begun among the members of the United Russian political party, following current premier Vladimir Putin’s decision to win next year’s presidential elections by a landslide margin. Putin, who has held the position of either president or prime minister of the Russian Federation for over 17 years, made the announcement yesterday that he would… Read more »