Tag: russia

It’s The DWWNWCRU (Daily WWN World Cup Round Up)

Portugal defender Pepe is hopeful of someday learning to walk again after a horrific injury suffered in the match against Morocco. “It was like the force of 1,000 atomic bombs had visited my shoulder but I vow to walk again,” Pepe said of the shocking attack. Ronaldo scored the decisive header in the game but… Read more »

Putin Critic Found Dismembered In Apparent Suicide

A RUSSIAN journalist and vocal critic of Vladimir Putin has reportedly committed suicide by dismembering his own body, Russia Today has confirmed. The 122nd opponent and/or critic of Putin to die in perfectly non-suspicious circumstances in recent years, Andrei Ivanov, was found in several pieces in his Moscow apartment after taking a knife to himself, and ending… Read more »

Russia Trial Bear Referees For Upcoming World Cup

AFTER a recent spate of unsavoury incidents involving the intimidation of referees, Russia has proposed an innovative solution to the cancer on football that is professional footballers. Famed for constantly diving to win penalties, cheating to gain minor advantages throughout each second of a game and having shit haircuts, footballers are potentially the only element… Read more »

Russians Guilty Until Proven Guilty

THE international community has agreed to adopt a ‘guilty until proven guilty’ stance towards Russia in relation to the nerve-agent poisoning of a former spy in Britain, following a deliberation that lasted as long as it took to say ‘well of course they fucking did it’. The Russian government, who have previously stated in no… Read more »