Tag: news

‘Don’t Approach Any Liverpool Fans Today’ Warning Issued

“LEAVE ALL WhatsApp groups containing Liverpool fans. Block every Liverpool fan on your contact list. Arrive at work wearing sound proof earmuffs. Do not make eye contact with coworkers wearing full kits to work. We repeat do not approach Liverpool fans.” Blaring from hidden speaker systems in communities up and down Britain and throughout Europe,… Read more »

Ronaldo Survives Horror Fall

THOUGHTS and prayers were sent in the direction of Real Madrid striker Christiano Ronaldo, amid fears that he may be ‘shatered to pieces’ after his reckless overhead goal against Juventus in the Champions League last night. Portuguese superstar Ronaldo is known to suffer from a rare brittle-limb condition which has lead to hundreds of instances… Read more »

Dinosaur Discovered In Scotland Would Have Had Thick Accent, Scientists Confirm

FOOTPRINT evidence on Scotland’s Isle of Skye confirming that dinosaurs roamed there some 170 million years ago has revealed the reptiles would have been very hard to understand, given their thick Scottish accents. “Rapid fire phrases delivered with a mix of smiling geniality and a maddened glare that hinted they intended to do you harm, these dinosaurs… Read more »

Ireland To Test New Small-Talk Vaccination

IRELAND is to be the testing ground for a revolutionary new vaccine which medical experts are confident will eradicate small-talk from everyday life, easing millions of people from the everyday burden of chit-chat. Although thought to have been wiped out elsewhere in the world by the advent of smart phones, small-talk has managed to stay alive… Read more »