Tag: news

Guide To Publicly Embarrassing Yourself As An Irish Presidential Candidate

WHILE the Irish public is scrambling around desperately to shield the outside world from all evidence that an embarrassing charade of a presidential election is still ongoing, WWN has gathered together a guide to help budding embarrassments in their quest to publicly humiliate themselves. Despite the fact that the Irish public will deny all knowledge… Read more »

Local Man Would Be Better Off On The Dole

WATERFORD store manager Manus Whelan has spent the morning bitterly complaining how he would be better off on social welfare, following a Budget 2019 dole increase of five whole euro. Whelan hasn’t stopped grousing since Finance Minister Paschal Donohoe’s announcement yesterday that cuts to the USC will result in the average worker benefiting by 4… Read more »

Ikea Celebrates 1 Millionth Ruined Relationship

THE Dublin branch of Swedish furniture and lifestyle store Ikea has celebrated its one millionth blazing row between a couple as they pick out what would go best in their house, WWN can reveal. Michael Williams and his girlfriend Charlene Harris had a five-alarm meltdown in the ‘bathroom solutions’ aisle in a tiff over why… Read more »

Government Advises Low Income Earners To Just Become Landlord TDs

AFTER a stunning unveiling of Budget 2019, the government has confirmed that anyone feeling a bit shortchanged by the spending measures outlined should really seriously consider becoming a multi-property owning TD. “Think of all the tax relief. You might be griping about how the budget doesn’t exactly seem fiscally responsible either, spending wise, but our… Read more »

Local Woman’s Attitude Unlikely To Get Her A Husband

THE highfalutin’ and freewheelin’ attitude of Waterford singleton Alice Wilson hasn’t won her the favour of any potential suitors in her hometown, with most people convinced that the 27-year-old is destined ‘for the shelf’. Wilson first came to the attention of her neighbours when she achieved 580 points in her Leaving Cert, thus moving her from… Read more »

“This Is Not An Election Budget” Confirms Taoiseach Day Before Election Budget

TAOISEACH LEO Varadkar has rubbished claims that tomorrow Budget 2019 is an election budget, WWN can confirm. Speaking while handing out ‘Vote Fine Gael’ leaflets at a Dart station in Dublin, the Taoiseach confirmed the budget was merely a sensible and prudent budget that was definitely not full of carrots being dangled before the electorate…. Read more »