Tag: news

Local Man Obsessed With Fact That Refugee Has iPhone

OUGHTERARD man Gearoid Conleth has strengthened his stance against housing asylum seekers in a local disused hotel, due to the fact that some of the ‘so-called refugees’ have ‘mobile phones and everything’. Conleth, who is certainly not in any way racist, claims that opening a Direct Provision Centre in the former Connemara Gateway Hotel would only lead to… Read more »

Vaccinations: Now We’ve Got Your Attention, Is Anyone Watching Succession?

THE continuing debate over whether or not you should vaccinate your kids is a sure-fire way to attract interest on social media, to the extent that Minister For Health Simon Harris has stated that social media companies should ban accounts that spread anti-vaccination propaganda… but forget all that, has anyone been watching HBO’s hit show… Read more »

Hogan Burns Compromising Photos Of Enemies As Promised

“YEAH, I’m destroying them as we speak… relax, you made the right decision,” a calculating Phil Hogan told an unknown voice at the other end of the phone, while caressing an official document confirming his new promotion, “the one with the gimp mask too, yes, and the ball gag one, they’re all gone, I’ll do you all… Read more »

5 Jobs Bercow Can Try Now

ORDER! Order! It’s time for John Bercow to call last orders on his time as speaker of the House Of Commons, following a stewardship that saw him presided over some of the most heated, contentious debates in the history of the crumbled Empire. So what next for Bercow? Here’s five roles we think he’d fit… Read more »