Tag: johnson

World Doing Its Best To Not Have Mental Image Of Boris Johnson Having Affair

AS more and more details emerge surrounding Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s affair with business woman Jennifer Arcuri, the public have issued a plea to have less and less details emerge surrounding Prime Minister Boris Johnson’s alleged affair with businesswoman Jennifer Arcuri. Stating emphatically that a politician having sexual relations with someone who they were subsequently giving… Read more »

We Went To Analyse Johnson’s Policies But We Realised He Didn’t Have Any So We Took The Day Off, Got Ice Cream & Everything

CASTING aside his larger than life personality, his Eton-honed quirks, his Oxford-perfected bluster, his train wreck of a personal life, his black hole of a track record – Boris Johnson is running for PM and deserves to have his ideas and policies appraised. It is incumbent on journalists and media outlets to appraise his plans… Read more »

The Fucking Brits Are Really Going To Do It

DESPITE all available facts which should act as a deterrent, the fucking Brits are really entering into the finals stages of creating such a morally bankrupt society that Boris Johnson can waltz into the position of prime minister. Johnson, who has dedicated his life to only providing proof of his insidious ineptitude, finds himself topping… Read more »

“We Have Standards Here” Satan Distances Himself From Brexiteers

THE instigators of Brexit are not welcome in hell due to moral standards laid out by its ruler in a rare but concise statement from the Dark Lord of the underworld. Satan, also known as the Devil, confirmed that there was “absolutely no chance” politicians like Jacob Rees-Mogg, Nigel Farage, Boris Johnson, David Davis, Theresa May or any of those responsible for Brexit… Read more »

Brexit Negotiations Progress Significantly As Boris Has Mouth Sewn Shut

THE EU has heralded the progress made in Brexit negotiations in the hours following Britain’s decision to sew Foreign Secretary Boris Johnson’s mouth shut, limiting his ability to broadcast ridiculous statements. “We cannot overstate the progress that has been made, truly, this is a watershed moment in the negotiations,” confirmed the EU’s lead negotiator Michel… Read more »