Tag: instant

6-Year-Old Who Put His Hand Up In Class Diagnosed With ADHD

ST. GERARD’S primary school opened its doors this morning for the first day of the new academic year, with Principal Martin Downey awaiting pupils with a welcoming smile. However, what started out as the near perfect return to formal education for the staff and children took a troubling turn in the classroom of senior infants… Read more »

10 Things Every Irish Dad Does

AS part of WWN’s groundbreaking HerDailyEnterJoement series, we bring you the latest in essential lists which provide you, our readers, with a reason to live. This time we’re tackling the classic Irish Dad, who, try as he might, can’t help but commit these classic dad moments that will leave every Irish person in no doubt… Read more »

Drug Mule Welcomes Ryanair’s ‘Business Class’

PROFESSIONAL drugs mule Derek Palmer congratulated his airline of choice today for finally caving in and allocating a class for its business customers. Speaking on a 17:30 Ryanair flight from Eindhoven this evening, Mr. Palmer said the move was “too long in the waiting”, stating he now feels a little bit more comfortable in the… Read more »

NRA Calls For Tougher Gun Instructors

THE National Rifle Association of America has called on US shooting ranges to employ tougher gun instructors to deal with inexperienced children wishing to use military weapons, it has been revealed today. The request comes just 24 hours after a 9-year-old girl accidentally killed Arizona shooting instructor, Charles Vacca, as he was showing her how to use an automatic Uzi. Mr Vacca… Read more »

Kim Jong-un ‘Hacked’ US Hypersonic Weapon Launch, Claims State Media

THE NORTH Korean central news agency has reported today that supreme leader Kim Jong-un personally “hacked” and “sabotaged” the launch of a US hypersonic weapon in Alaska on Monday. The sophisticated weapon, developed by the U.S. military, was reportedly programmed to ‘self-destruct’ four seconds after its launch by the 31-year-old from his presidential palace in… Read more »

Designer Of Leaky Stainless Steel Teapot Arrested For Crimes Against Humanity In Argentina

THE International Criminal Police Organization (INTERPOL) has today confirmed the arrest of 67-year-old James Richardson – inventor of the faulty stainless steel teapot – after a twenty five year investigation into his crimes against humanity. Mr. Richardson was apprehended in his Buenos Aires mansion at 03:30 this morning following information to his whereabouts by a maid. “I recognised his… Read more »

Student Looking Forward To Starting College Has No Idea He’ll Drop Out Before Christmas

DUBLINER Darragh Ruane, 18, is reportedly ‘dying’ to start his third level education this September in UCD, seemingly unaware that he will drop out just before Christmas. “CAN.NOT FUCK-ING. WAIT fOR COLLAGE!!!” Darragh wrote on his latest Snapchat entry to friends, seemingly foreshadowing some of the difficulty he will encounter with his 19th Century English… Read more »

Operators Admit They Hadn’t Fed LUAS In Days

LUAS operators have admitted that they may have failed to feed one of their Red Line trams which resulted in a rabid attack on a schoolgirl who thankfully suffered only minor injuries. The incident, which saw members of the public band together in a heartwarming display to free the trapped girl, is just one of… Read more »