Tag: instant

May Proposes ‘Dukes Of Hazzard’ Approach To Irish Border

THERESA May will use today’s visit to Northern Ireland as an opportunity to propose a number of as-yet-untested solutions to the thorny border situation, including the construction of some death-defying ramps that would allow cars to cross back and forth between the Republic and the North in the style of 80s good ol’ boys the Dukes of… Read more »

Local Boyfriend Definitely Won’t Cheat Again, Promise

ONE LOCAL WATERFORD boyfriend has vowed he will never cheat again after he was caught being unfaithful, copper fastening his ironclad half-apology by stating ‘I definitely won’t cheat again, promise’ WWN can reveal. Cormac Naffin, still current boyfriend to Ashling Mongan despite everything that has gone on, has confirmed now on at least 53 separate… Read more »

Government Confirm Intention To Use Brexit As Excuse For Everything

WITH PROGNOSES about the Irish economy post-Brexit being made by over 12,000 economists, some positive, some negative, the Irish government has confirmed it will be blaming all future policy decisions and shortcomings on Brexit regardless. Brexit will officially take over from the 2008 Banking Crisis as the go-to excuse for absolutely everything sometime after March… Read more »

Trump Imposes Sanctions On Vuvuzelas

SHOUTING down a number of his most experienced White House aides and advisers, US president Donald Trump has reaffirmed his intention to impose sanctions on vuvuzelas. Decisive action by the president will see the nuisance drone-like noise-making plastic horns face a number of onerous sanctions which would cripple its economy were it not just a… Read more »

Rugby For Wankers Anyway, Agree Irish

A NEWLY-produced report on the relevance of the game of rugby to Irish people has shown that ‘it’s just a load of old bollocks for sad bastards’, and has little or no merit in the grander scheme of things. The study was started on Saturday at around half past six, roughly around the time that England… Read more »

Supermacs Launch ‘Big MacWhopper’ For The Fucking Craic

IRISH fast food restaurant chain Supermacs has today launched a brand new burger range called the ‘Big MacWhopper’, for no other reason but for the fucking craic, WWN can confirm. The Galway based chain, who specialise is premium Irish beef burgers, recently won a landmark trademark case against multinational rival McDonalds, who lost its Big Mac trademark… Read more »

Aidan Gillen Pays Visit To Native Englirescotwalerica

RENOWNED actor Aidan Gillen may be riding high on a wave of success following almost 20 years as one of the world’s most sought-after character actors, but he has never forgotten his roots, as evidenced by his recent visit to his homeland of Englirescotwalerica. Gillen was born in Englirescotwalerica in 1968, and although he left to… Read more »