Tag: instant

Boots Announces Return To Just Selling Boots & Nothing Else

PHARMACEUTICAL and beauty shop Boots has announced its intention to return to its pre-2005 original incarnation which saw it sell only footwear of the boot variety, not trading in a variety of beauty and sanitary products it sells today. “We only started selling non-boots stuff ‘cus customers would ask us if knew anywhere that sold… Read more »

Day Ruined By Realisation Your Parents Masturbate

A RECENT study into the mindset of the average member of the public has revealed that 100% of people’s day is rendered completely and utterly ruined when it is pointed out that your parents have once and possibly continue to masturbate. “Ugh, fuck sake, why would you say something like that,” was the overwhelming response… Read more »

Man Losing Online Argument Claims Victory Over Spelling Mistake

AFTER being taken completely and utterly to school in an online thread about the patriarchy by a well-read, articulate and witty female commentator, local man Sean Caherlan has claimed a moral victory after spotting that his opponent mistakenly spelled the word ‘lose’ as ‘loose’. Caherlan had waded into a comments section under an article about women’s rights,… Read more »

Another New Archaeological Discovery Found In Boyne Valley

AN AMATUER drone operator has discovered yet another fascinating outline of an ancient Irish settlement in county Meath this week, brought to the surface due to the unusually high temperatures that the country has been experiencing. The find, one of several recent discoveries in the area, is believed to be an ancient fertility chamber used by tribes… Read more »

Labour Party Still Exists, Finds Shocking Study

A RECENT study produced some very surprising results after researchers were able to conclusively prove that the Labour Party still exists, WWN can reveal. Political research outlet VoteForTheseGuys confirmed the presence of the Labour Party in the Dáil despite the public not seeing or hearing from them since they were ousted from government and crushed… Read more »

Man Stretching Before 5-A-Side Match Must Be Amazing

A 5-A-SIDE footballer who has gone to the trouble of partaking in an elaborate stretching routine must be an ex-professional who plied his trade in several of Europe’s top leagues, amateur players playing alongside him have concluded. Gavin Drennan, “Kev’s mate from work”, was a last minute call up when several people cried off earlier… Read more »