Tag: instant

Local Criminal Gang Endorse O’Reilly Cigarette Price Hike

Representatives for the North-East’s most predominant crime syndicate have today given their full backing for Minister For Health James Reilly’s plan to increase the price of twenty cigarettes by over 100% to €20. The move by O’Reilly, the latest in his war against tobacco, is estimated to be worth an extra €275,000 per annum to… Read more »

‘Wet Willy’ Attacks Up By 30% So Far This Year

Parents up and down the country have expressed their worry at news that ‘wet willy’ attacks are on the rise for the first time in a number of years. Most worryingly for the media the ‘wet willy’ or Uda Mentula to give it its latin name occurs largely offline, making it more difficult to whip… Read more »

It’s The DWWNWCRU (Daily WWN World Cup Round Up)

WWN brings you all the latest action from the World Cup in Brazil. Last night saw the final group games take place and we now know the identity of the teams that have gone forward to the knock out stages, but much of the focus still remains of the cannibalistic tendencies of Luis Suarez. The… Read more »

Your ‘Suarez Ban’ Questions Answered

There seems to be a lot of confusion as to the exact details of the ban handed down to Uruguay and Liverpool’s Luis Suarez by FIFA. Suarez is banned from ALL footballing activity for biting Italian defender Chiellini. WWN is here to clarify the details as we have been busy pouring over our copy of… Read more »

Man Begins Six Month Countdown To St. Stephen’s Day Piss-Up

Nicholas Magee, a 26-year-old mechanic from Dundalk, has today begun the six-month countdown to St. Stephen’s Day where he will partake in what is traditionally the biggest piss-up of his calender year. St. Stephen’s Day, known as Boxing Day to protestants, is celebrated on the 26th of December and as a holiday it has become… Read more »

It’s The DWWNWCRU (Daily WWN World Cup Round Up)

WWN has all the latest from the World Cup in Brazil. RTÉ pundits Richie Sadlier and Kenny Cunningham engaged in intense debate in the aftermath of the Argentina game as they discussed the merits of water safety. Shocking footage showed Argentina striker Ezequiel Lavezzi throw over 24 gallons of water in the direction Argentina’s helpless… Read more »

Old Guy From Cowboy Film Dead

There has been widespread expressions of sadness as the world learned of the death of Old Guy From Cowboy Film, the accomplished actor who most famously featured prominently in Sergio Leone’s spaghetti westerns. Internet users have quened up in the comment sections of various websites to express their condolences to the family of Old Guy… Read more »

“We’ll Get Another Two Years Out Of Blaming Fianna Fáil For Everything” Thinks Government

The Government believes its current strategy of blaming the previous Fianna Fáil government for absolutely everything will see it safely through to the next general election and beyond. Following the recent local and European elections the current political climate in Ireland has rarely been more delicate, leading current majority coalition partners Fine Gael to reconsider… Read more »