Tag: instant

Record Number Of Students Offered Places In Basket Weaving

With the release of this year’s CAO points, thousands of anxious students have been offered places in courses at many of the country’s leading third level institutions. Competition for places is high and some courses have seen demand increase, while some students have been left disappointed by the increase in points in their favoured courses…. Read more »

3 Match Ban For Bird That Shit In Ashley Young’s Mouth

THE FA and the Premier League have come together in a rare act of solidarity and unity to reveal they have banned Fergal the Seagull from all football activities following his decision to shit in the mouth of Manchester United player, Ashley Young. Representative for Fergal the Seagull have said they will be appealing the… Read more »

Single Woman’s Cat Dreading Another Friday Night In Of Being Instagrammed

A DUBLIN cat who answers to the name Robert Catterson is today mentally preparing himself for yet another Friday night of being photographed by his owner, long-term singleton Michelle ‘Shells’ O’Neill, for the purposes of distribution on photo sharing site Instagram. The humiliating weekly ritual, in which the once-proud Catterson is coerced into a variety… Read more »

CONFIRMED: Ebola Virus Spotted On CCTV At Dublin Airport

CONFIRMATION is coming through from security at Dublin airport that the dreaded Ebola virus has been spotted on CCTV entering the country through the arrivals gate. The Virus, which is believed to have boarded an early morning flight from Lagos, was first seen in the duty free area browsing through local newspapers. “I didn’t think… Read more »

Guy Unable To Tie His Tie Actually Your Boss

SLIGO man Sean Fenlon made a shocking discovery three hours into his shift at Halley’s Party Supplies earlier today, WWN can exclusively reveal. Sean, 29, was in the process of gathering up a number of empty gas canisters when his boss, 19-year-old Johnny Halley, asked his employee of three years to serve customers waiting at… Read more »

Shock As 4 Star Hotel Found In Portlaoise Prison

FOLLOWING on from the troubling discovery of mobile phones, modems and USB keys in the possession of prisoners in the prison’s dissident wing comes the news that another, more shocking and alarming discovery has been made. In a WWN exclusive, we can reveal that during a routine search of Portlaoise prison carried out by staff,… Read more »

Vatican Uncovers Rare, Long Forgotten 11th Commandment

REPORTS from around the world have been suggesting for some weeks now that the Vatican had been withholding information on a newly discovered 11th commandment and now the Vatican have finally confirmed the news. Spokesperson for the Vatican Furio Giunta was sheepish about the exact contents of the 11 commandment but did relay some information… Read more »