Tag: instant

Peaches Geldof Now Just A Heroin Addict Decides Media

The media have confirmed that mother of two Peaches Geldof will no longer be referred to with any semblance of empathy or afforded any dignity following confirmation from an inquest into her death that she had been taking heroin. “Sometimes you idiots don’t know what you need to get from certain news stories, so we… Read more »

Parents To Allow Youngest Child Do Whatever The Fuck He Likes

Siblings Conor (18), Mary (19) and Cillian (14) from Navan are still coming to terms with the contents of a statement issued by their parents, Martin and Nuala Filan at the dinner table yesterday evening. A specially convened press conference saw the parents of four children definitively state that they would now be allowing their… Read more »

‘Tis Wicked Close’ Says Everyone

THE entire nation is said to be in shock following the revelation that today’s humid weather is ‘wicked close’. Many people were coming to terms with the fact that ’tis wicked close’, having been informed of the actuality by a variety of people, including the postman, the woman ahead of you in the queue, the… Read more »


WWN has today received troubling reports from freaking out civilians, claiming that there are swarms of fuckin flying ants everywhere. The government has responded by setting the fuckin flying ant alert to red, and have recommended that people in affected areas remain calm while totally losing their shit. The panic started yesterday when posts began to appear… Read more »