Tag: instant

Fancy Culchie Only Drinks Rock Shandy

NO Club Orange for local man Ian McEhany, and no TK lemonade either. No, when it comes to quenching this Ofally native’s thirst, there’s only one beverage that will do; a lukewarm slug of Rock Shandy out of a 2 litre bottle from under the sink. Rock Shandy, produced solely for the affluent culchie market… Read more »

UCD Student Convinced He’ll Pass Exams If He Just Doesn’t Sleep For Next 4 Days

THERE were scenes of calm and tranquility in the UCD library earlier today as second year Agriculture Science student Michael O’Hennan seemingly discovered an easy solution to all his exam worries and woes. Faced with a tough work load, intimidating study schedule and unforgiving exam schedule, O’Hennan had confessed previously to friends and college peers… Read more »

“I Actually Fucking Hate Triers,” Admits God

“I DON’T know where people got the notion that I’m a fan of failure,” mused a perplexed God, in yet another sit-down interview with his favourite Waterford-based online publication. “Did I commend Noah for ‘having a go’ at the Ark? Did I say ‘hey, Moses, do your best at taking them Israelites out of Egypt… Read more »

Pressure To Resign Mounts On Mounted Pressure Pressured On Garda Commissioner

THERE is an increasing amount of pressure being applied to previous pressure, which was mounted on pressure aimed at mounted pressuring on Garda Commissioner Noirín O’Sullivan to resign, WWN understands. Following evidence given before the Public Accounts Committee by Commissioner O’Sullivan in regards to the misappropriation of funds at the Garda College by gardaí there,… Read more »

Dole Cheat Stocks To Be Erected Nationwide

DOLE cheaters will now face up to two weeks in specially designed pillory stocks which will be erected nationwide from September, Minister for Social Protection Leo Varadkar has confirmed today. The announcement comes after a new hard-hitting campaign was launched last month to encourage members of the public to blow the whistle on social welfare… Read more »

Good Weather To Abandon Nation Just Like Dad Did

THERE will be some disappointed faces tomorrow as Ireland’s sunny streak is set to end with the ushering in of rain tomorrow and Christ does it remind me of the time my dad walked out on me, WWN’s resident weather expert Peter Cally can confirm. Hotter than the Mediterranean at times, but Ireland will have… Read more »