Tag: instant

God Was ‘Unaware’ Of Church Sex Abuse Scandals, Claims Vatican

THE VATICAN last night dismissed suggestions that the God our father had any knowledge of sexual abuse scandals committed by 4,392 Catholic priests over the past 60 years. A spokesperson for the Vatican denied that God, 84tn-years-old, knew about the ongoing molestations prior to the first reported case twenty five years ago. The supernatural creator… Read more »

Basking Shark Bitten By Corkman

There was panic in the waters off the coast of the Rebel County yesterday when a Basking shark was bitten by a rogue Corkman as horrified kayakers and swimmers looked on helplessly. Although the 12 foot vegetarian sharks are common in the Cape Clear area, yesterdays attack is the first recorded incident of one of… Read more »

Dad With Zero Cooking Skills Insists On Manning BBQ

THERE was high drama in Carlow yesterday as a husband refused to surrender control of the grill during a family barbeque, despite having no cooking experience whatsoever. As tensions rose amid the searing heat of Ireland’s annual heat wave, hungry members of the Hughes household had no other choice than to stand back and allow… Read more »

The Day Ireland Lost Its Innocence

In a sense Ireland’s innocence may well have long since left us but no lurid scandal can hit as hard as when a national treasure mistakenly swears live on air and subsequently apologises for it. Some say we’ll never get over it, others woke up and simply told their bosses ‘not today lad, not today’…. Read more »

It’s The DWWNWCRU (Daily WWN World Cup Round Up)

WWN brings you the latest from the World Cup: Worrying scenes developed in the second half of Brazil’s 0-0 draw with Mexico when Phil Scolari realised his striker, Fred, was suffering from a rare case of ‘locked-in’ syndrome. The condition which left Fred paralysed and unable to move was initially mistaken for a combination of… Read more »

Nivea Launches Factor 500 Sunscreen For Gingers

SKIN CARE company Nivea announced today they will manufacture and distribute the worlds first sunscreen with an SPF of 500, designed specifically for people with ginger hair. The product will go on sale in the next few weeks, and initially be available exclusively to the Irish and Scottish markets. High SPF sun creams have proved… Read more »

It’s The DWWNWCRU (Daily WWN World Cup Round Up)

WWN has all the latest from the action at the World Cup in Brazil. Brazilian born Portuguese player Pepe finally admitted to being a sleeper agent for his homeland after his idiotic sending off against Germany yesterday. Brazilian coaching staff activated a switch in Pepe’s brain, which saw him become detached from reality and act… Read more »